Again, I didn’t want to, but I have no control over what I feel

I’m such a cheap girl. I just like whoever that shows concern to me.

Or do I?

I don’t know, I have a few male friends, but I don’t really feel anything romantic to them. Even if I hold their hands, it feels normal, like holding a mannequin’s hand (I don’t mean to be offensive lol).

*exhales*

I believe this is temporary, but this person said that he loves me like a daughter (he’s not 20 or 30 years older, he’s only as old as my eldest bro, 34. Actually he’s 33. Lol.). I’m sho happy. Really. I mean, I didn’t do anything in particular to attract him, I just did my best as a member of the guild in the game we play in.

Tbh, we’ve never even talked about anything else other than the game, but, there was this time he took a pic of chicken thighs and told me that it reminds him of me. HAHAHA.

It’s repeating itself. The cycle. Ever since he died, I imagine everyone I’m close to will suddenly die. What happened to me last year really felt like a hard slap in my face. All my life, I’ve been a spoiled kid, doing whatever I want. 2016 was full of miseries. I cannot remember anything good from it. All my happy memories are bundled with grief, sadness and disappointment.

I’ve been punished.

Forever, I will be damned to live in the past. Even when time flows, I don’t.

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